What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I write beautiful poetry .

Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?

I don,t even have a pension.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Have husbands and wives ever had a threesome with someone in real life? How did it happen?

I was 9 years of age.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

What type of sex do women prefer, oral, anal, or vaginal?

Where the ultimate outsiders.

What did i know ?

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Why are people nowadays so into anal sex?

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

What is the Replika app, and how does it work?

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

She married twice! .

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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I was seconnd youngest,

How do I rat my boss out for serial cheating on his wife?

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

What is your favorite cuckold experience?

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

One cannot live in the past .

But, we were locked up after school.

Will Canadians still buy American products?

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

It was going to be , some day.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

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As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

She wouldn,t have been !

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

All the time i was locked up.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

So, i spoilt her more .

We all went to grammer schools

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

He knew the spot.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

My life is so biszare .

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

She loved him until the end.

I could never make a relationship work though!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Comes on , in middle age.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Who then, do I blame.?

She found it foreign!.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

He was dying to do it , i knew.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Would this be the day?

I was scared of men, in general

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I never cut or harmed myself..

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Im still living with it.

This is soul school!.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Especially a lifetime of it.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Was to survive, this bastard.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I had hoped to write a book about this .

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

When she asked me how she looked .

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

I will be 64.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

(And it was in our own minds.)

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

My family never makes their pension either.

I was very sick at this time too.

She was in good health!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

But ive been too sick for many years..

I waited trembling.

So whats the point in blame.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I have no regrets .

He resisted the act ,that day.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

And i lived it daily.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Why did i forgive my father ?

But it wasn’t much.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

As i do to all so called friends.?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I think the readers, may guess!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I said to her

Ive learnt so much.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Put me off passion for life!!

We were not on the streets..